And Snape Ate a Pineapple
by Spazz1
Summary: A distraught Harry makes a decision that sends the magical world into chaos... perhaps not. Defintely a comedy and truly making fun of Harry Potter. A read for those who love and despise the wizard.


-And Snape Ate a Pineapple-  
  
For 'twas a normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when the ever notable and annoying Peeves came crashing down the hall to the golden statue that lead up to Dumbledore's office. With a cackle he went through the statue and up the stairs.   
"Oh Dumbley-dore! Dumble-Bumble Dore! Humbly open your dumbley-humbley-bumbley-door, Dumbly-Dore!"  
From inside the office Dumbledore and Snape glared to the door, each heaving a large sigh. With a wave of his hands the door opened and Peeves flew in doing random flips and turns, holding onto a large yellow pansy.  
"What is it Peeves?" Dumbledore asked, leaning his head on his hands.   
Snape grinned.   
Peeves gave a mad giggle before doing a twirl, hugging his pansy.  
"Suicidal Harry! Suicidal Harry! Jumped off a cliff! Jumped off a cliff!" Peeves sung. Dumbledore's bushy eyebrows shot up as he clambered on top of his desk.  
"What!" He shouted. "No! Not Harry!" Dumbledore hugged his knees to his chest and started to sob, murmuring "No, no, no..." to himself.  
Snape grinned.  
Peeves giggled again and descended onto Dumbledore's desk, waving the yellow pansy in his face whilst still singing. Suddenly Dumbledore shot up, standing his full height. In slow motion Dumbledore leaned his head back, out spread his arms and screamed,  
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Harry! MY LOVE! I've lost you forever!!!!!!!" The slow motion stopped; Peeves and Snape looked up at Dumbledore, both grinning. Without a word Dumbledore sat back down in his chair, leaning his head on his hands.  
Snape grinned.  
Bursting in, Ron and Hermione appeared in front of the three, just hearing of Harry's suicide. They were both in tears but were secretly smiling. Peeves, seeing this a prime moment to bring more to sudden outbursts of gay affection, starting singing again.  
Ron took Hermione's hand and ran out of the room to the small area in front of the stairs. They looked to each other before Ron smiled, a satanic gleam in his eyes. Clasping his hands together he laughed a high pitched laugh while tilting his head back.  
"Finally it has happened! It's all mine! No more good job Harry, I love you Harry, you're the best Harry! Now, it's all mine! It'll be Good job Ron, I love you Ron, be mine Ron, oh kiss me Ron!" With another outburst of maniacally laughter Ron ran around the room. Running down the stairs he hit his head on one.... and died.  
Hermione, not sure of what to do walked over to a picture and broke it. Taking a shard of glass she stabbed it into her chest... and died.  
Dumbledore, Snape, and Peeves came out of the office, all looking at the scene. Peeves cackled and sniffed his daisy before realizing it was really a poppy leaf. With a wild grin he ate it before falling on the floor in convulsions.  
Dumbledore broke down and cried. He got to his feet and cried again. Then he broke down, and then cried before returning to his office and petting his bird.  
Snape grinned.   
Then he returned to his class.  
Meanwhile, Malfoy had heard of Harry's jump off a cliff and went to see for himself. Looking down the gorge he saw Harry's mangled body and with a giggle of glee climbed down the cliff to him. Staring at Harry's twisted torso and snapped arms, Malfoy took the limp legs of Mr. Potter and grabbed onto them. Malfoy raised Harry's legs above his head and started to swing Harry's dead and limp body like a T-shirt.  
Then Voldemort appeared, angry that the one person he wanted to kill was now dead, and decided to take it out on Malfoy instead. Descending down to where Malfoy flung Harry's body around, Lord of everything bad, gross, ugly, evil, and pink gave a girlish laugh. He actually found it quite enjoyable how Harry flailed about.  
In a flash of green light Malfoy was dead and Voldemort tried it out for himself. Grabbing onto Malfoy, who still held onto Harry's feet, Voldemort twirled them both above his head yelling,  
"Pineapple! Pineapple!"  
  
The End 


End file.
